Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse has always been around. It is of late that it has been recognised, defined and classified as another deep rooted affliction. Many of us maybe victims (and unaware) of emotional abuse and are possibly subjected to it in our daily lives.Like physical abuse, emotional abuse can be severe and leaves behind permanent emotional scars. It can drain a person's confidence, self-respect and render one with a feeling of uselessness.

Emotional abuse is identified as a tactic used by the perpetrator to demoralise his victim. It can occur in any relationship - among spouses, relatives, friends, colleagues, in-laws etc. Dr. Ajit Bhaskar, a psychiatrist says, “emotional abuse may be defined as the use of inappropriate emotions to make the other person feel the inappropriateness. This will lead to an inner conflict on the person subjected to emotional abuse.” So what makes one emotionally abuse another? “The purpose of abuse can be varying in nature but somebody emotionally abusing another may have some personality disorder, ranging from mild to severe. It need not be just insecurity, fear or jealousy but can even be due to a sadistic or masochistic attitude,” adds Dr.Ajit Bhaskar.

Disguised occurrence

An emotional abusive relationship may be difficult to observe or identify for unlike in a physical abusive relationship the attack is more often premeditated or manipulated with disguised words, actions etc that leaves behind scars of humiliation and disgrace. All of us at sometime or the other would have experienced some form of it. “Emotional abuse that consists of a villain and a victim is quite a broad spectrum for debate”, says Anitha Raja, clinical psychologist of Amrita Hospital, Kochi. “Milder and temporary forms of emotional abuse can be observed in daily life like road rage or being roughed up or knocked around in a crowd. But it becomes a problem when the abuse is long standing, has an ulterior motive or targeted on a single person. Aged parents, needy relatives are often mistreated or insulted.”

The nature of emotional abuse can have many stages. It often begins with ignoring and disregarding the victim. Next in order may be an overbearing behaviour followed by snubbing, criticising, fault finding etc. Then harsher forms like verbal assaults, screaming, calling names, intimidating, threatening etc follow.

“However”, adds Anitha Raja, “the more vulnerable or timid one is the more hurt or offended one feels. So it's best to have a tough exterior to fight emotional abuse”.

So how do you know that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship? Look around yourself. Analyse your relationship with others. Do you have a friend, relative or colleague who tries to control you or ridicules and insults you before others? Then deal firmly without cowering down. Yet sometimes it may not be easy. It can also occur when two individuals are mutually dependent on each other or in a close relationship. However you can tackle the situation by setting your priorities right and end the unwanted taunts by braving up to the situation.

Dr. Diljit. B., a psychiatrist observes, “emotional abuse can occur in families, among friends and at the workplace . It can have very harmful consequences and can even lead to manic depression, schizophrenia etc in extreme cases. In families, a parent maybe unknowingly abusing the child when they adopt certain corrective measures that may have serious negative repercussions. At the work place too an emotional abusive boss can have a discouraging and dispiriting effect robbing the employees of their true potential.”

However before coming to any conclusions and trying to deal with the abusers in your life, a stark truth awaits you. Most often we identify ourselves as the victims and never the villains. Examine your relationships deeply. Set things right and make life friendly, it is every individual's birthright to be treated with dignity.