Monday, February 13, 2012

JOKES


  • They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
  • It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
  • Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without...but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
  • My wife and I always compromise; I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
  • Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without...but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
  • Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is a husband.
  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
  • Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
    After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
  • When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
    When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
  • My wife told me I should be more affectionate.
    So I got two girlfriends.
  • A husband said to his wife,
    "No, I don't hate your relatives  In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
Marriage is a three ring circus:
engagement ring
wedding ring
suffering

valentine day -history


The word "Valentine" has two meanings. It can imply a card sent or given to a sweetheart) on Saint Valentine's Day. It can also indicate any particular person, especially a sweetheart, chosen to receive a greeting on Saint Valentine's Day.

Both implications of the word come from a time long long ago. At a turbulent period of Roman History, when a crumbling Roman empire was facing hostilities from all sides, the country needed valiant soldiers who would be ruthless and able to lay down their lives for the cause of the motherland. Emperor Claudius II felt that marriage was becoming a serious impediment in building a strong national defence as married soldiers felt disinclined to stay away from home for a long time. He issued an edict forbidding marriage to assure quality soldiers. But a kindly priest Valentine came to the rescue of young Romans and secretly married them off. But this good time was not long to last for Claudius II soon got wind of Valentine's actions and had him arrested. Though initially impressed by Valentine's personality and courage, the emperor tried to force his order on him and is even said to have attempted to convert him.
When Valentine refused to obey both royal orders, the incensed emperor ordered his execution.

While awaiting his sentence in prison, Valentine is believed to have restored the sight of the jailor's daughter with his reported mystical powers. This earned him the friendship of the jailor Asterius as well as his daughter. A little time before his death, Valentine is said to have asked for a pen and paper from his jailor, and wrote a farewell message to Asterius' daughter signing it as "From Your Valentine," a phrase that lived ever after.

The Roman Empire was soon to fall, and its end brought everything back to normalcy. The people never forgot Valentine and they created a holiday in memory of their loving priest. Along with "Valentine's Day", the tradition of sending personal messages also gained popularity among love birds and such handwritten notes of love came to be known as "Valentine", a name drawn from the signature of Valentine's last letter to Asterius' daughter.

The first modern valentines reportedly became popular from the early 15th century. Following his defeat in the battle of Agincourt, the young French Duke of Orleans was captured and confined in the Tower of London for many years. During his captivity, he wrote many poems to his wife. About sixty of these remain and have been preserved among the royal papers in the British Museum.

When printers came in use, a limited number of cards with verses and sketches began to be produced. However, these were smaller and costlier than the handmade cards which were oversized but economical and elaborate.

By the 18th century, it became a common practice in England to exchange hand-made cards on Valentine's Day. People began to create valentine cards for their sweethearts by themselves out of lace or ribbons, and featuring cupids and hearts.

Gradually, the American colonies took on the tradition. But it only during the 1840s that Valentine's Day greeting cards began to be commercially produced in the U.S. The first American Valentine's Day greeting cards were created by Esther A. Howlanda Mount Holyoke, a graduate and native of Worcester. Mass. Regarded as the "Mother of the Valentine", Howland made elaborate "Valentine" cards with real lace, ribbons and colorful pictures known as "scrap". It was only with Howland's mass production of the Valentine cards that the custom gained popularity in the United States.

With a reduction in postal rates in the early 19th century, the production of Valentines got a greater thrust. It also helped establish the custom of sending anonymous messages or cards to those one admired.

In the 21st century, Valentine's Day has become one of the major holidays in the world, especially in the U.S. where it has spawned a multimillion dollar greeting card industry. As per a survey by the Greeting Card Association, 25% of all cards sent each year in the U.S. are "Valentine"s. This is another evidence of the ever increasing popularity of the "Valentines", that are seen by many as an extension of the old love letters.

A message of love, that is what the "Valentine" is. Try sending one to your special someone on this Valentine's Day.

bihar joke


A person  who was  WORKING IN MUMBAI, AND DID NOT MEET HIS wife for four (4) years while his wife was in his home town.

At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son. His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this "Happy event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years...

The man said it is common in his state  that neighbours take care of the wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.

The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son?"
The man explained, "If its the second neighbour who has taken care, then the name would be "DWIVEDI";
If it is the third neighbor then it would  be "TRIVEDI",
If it is the fourth neighbor then it would be "CHATURVEDI" ;
If its the fifth neighbor then it would be "PANDEY"...
After listening to this, questions followed.
What if it is a mixture of neighbours? "Then the boy would be named "MISHRA"...
And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour? Then it would be "SHARMA"...
But what if she refuses to divulge the  name of the neighbour? Then the name of the child would be "GUPTA"...
If she does not remember the name then? "It is YAADAV"
But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape? Then it will be named "DOSHI"...
Finally, if the child happened because of wife's burning desire? Then he will be named "JOSHI"...
And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?...."DESHPANDEY..


bihar joke


A person  who was  WORKING IN MUMBAI, AND DID NOT MEET HIS wife for four (4) years while his wife was in his home town.

At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son. His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this "Happy event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years...

The man said it is common in his state  that neighbours take care of the wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.

The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son?"
The man explained, "If its the second neighbour who has taken care, then the name would be "DWIVEDI";
If it is the third neighbor then it would  be "TRIVEDI",
If it is the fourth neighbor then it would be "CHATURVEDI" ;
If its the fifth neighbor then it would be "PANDEY"...
After listening to this, questions followed.
What if it is a mixture of neighbours? "Then the boy would be named "MISHRA"...
And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour? Then it would be "SHARMA"...
But what if she refuses to divulge the  name of the neighbour? Then the name of the child would be "GUPTA"...
If she does not remember the name then? "It is YAADAV"
But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape? Then it will be named "DOSHI"...
Finally, if the child happened because of wife's burning desire? Then he will be named "JOSHI"...
And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?...."DESHPANDEY..


Thursday, February 9, 2012

how smart ..god


God is Smart
 

 
The man: "God, how long is a million years?"

God: "To me, it's about a minute."

The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"

God: "To me it's a penny."

The man: "God, may I have a penny?"

God: "Wait a minute."
 

Sunday, January 29, 2012

educational facts


  • There is an old Hotel/Pub in Marble Arch, London which used to have gallows adjacent. Prisoners were taken to the gallows (after a fair trial of course) to be hung. The horse drawn dray, carting the prisoner was accompanied by an armed guard, who would stop the dray outside the pub and ask the prisoner if he would like ''ONE LAST DRINK''. If he said YES it was referred to as ONE FOR THE ROAD. If he declined, that prisoner was ON THE WAGON
  • They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery. If you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor". But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldnt even afford to buy a pot they "Didnt have a pot to Piss in" & were the lowest of the low.
  • The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:
  • Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
  • Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"
  • Houses had thatched roofs, thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."
  • There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
  • The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt Poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold. (Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
  • In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: ''Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old''.
  • Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "Bring home the Bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around talking and ''Chew the fat''.
  • Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leak onto the food, causing lead poisoning & death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
  • Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or ''The Upper Crust''.
  • Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of ''Holding a Wake''.
  • England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, ''Saved by the Bell '' or was considered a ''Dead Ringer''
And that's the truth...who says History is boring ! ! ! 


Wednesday, January 4, 2012

The right to death SAURAVPRAN GOSWAMI



The right to death
SAURAVPRAN GOSWAMI
“Take me back to the hospital, son; or else I am not going to be cured!”
This was what the old man whispered in his feeble voice. He was sent back home by the hospital after diagnosing that his was a terminal case and no possible cure was at sight or within reach. Considering his age, ailment and the availability of medical expertise and facilities, besides the affordability of the family, the hospital considered it wise to allow the patient die a natural death at the caring hands of his family. The family accepted it without protest. This is a common scene in countries like India, more particularly in rural India.
In the eyes of the patient, his desperate will to live a few more years had been thwarted by not providing treatment. What is worse, he could even not cherish the false hope of being cured in the absence of any medicine to swallow, any doctor to be found around, or even the mechanical caring of a nurse in a hospital bed. Instead, probably he received blank looks from his sons, daughters and wife. The man was dying every moment as he shed tears out of not wholly physical, but more mental pain — the pain of feeling that he is not cared for.
In the eyes of the doctor, he followed his professional ethics of giving the last humane touch to his patient by not disclosing the truth. He was also kind to the patient's family not squeezing out of it a large sum of money in the name of hospital bills.
The family accepts it as a natural end.
Had this been in the case of a well-to-do or VIP patient, he could have survived a few more days on the strength of expensive treatment. But our rural patient was allowed to die without it. Shall we call it an offensive ‘mercy(less) killing'?
For the last few days I have been seriously thinking of making a death will to be proclaimed somewhat like the following:
I Sauravpran Goswami would like to request the authority/doctor and /or my family to do me the most precious favour by relieving me of the pain of living at the most proper time by injecting a lethal medicine intravenous, or by helping me with a poisonous pill to swallow, or by removing the oxygen mask I might be living on, or by any other effective way he/they could think of in any of the following cases: I am brain-dead; I go into a permanent vegetative state (PVS); I suffer from an unbearably painful and, at the same time incurable disease; keeping me alive to lead a non-humanly life happens to be too costly to be borne by my family; and any other condition materially equivalent to any of those mentioned above.
I would appeal to the appropriate authority to grant me the right to death — good death, painless death if at all it respects my ‘right to life.'
Aruna's case has many aspects:
True, nobody can say the woman, who has been lying in a Mumbai hospital bed for 37 years, has been suffering unbearably as she is not in a position to express how she feels. But a life like that of Aruna's could be allowed to continue only on the following grounds:
The existing laws do not allow depriving her of her life; one does not want to be termed a murderer by taking her life; fear of God; it is against “our value-system;” and one enjoys (if at all it is an enjoyment!) her company.
It is obvious that none of the grounds concerns Aruna's interest; instead all concern the interests of the hospital staff, friends, family and the custodians of value.
Aruna does not, because she cannot, have a will for euthanasia. But defined as mercy killing, euthanasia can probably be rightly applied to Aruna. There is no point referring to ‘our values', since values are not to be seen as ours, yours or theirs; they are humane in essence.
(The writer is a Professor of Philosophy in Gauhati University. His e-mail is sauravpran2@gmail.com )